August 2009
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“Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a...”
– Anne Tyler
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“I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don’t...”
– jack handy
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“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
– corey ford
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“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get...”
– Robert A. Heinlein
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“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times...”
– Robert Benchley
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“Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make...”
– Unknown
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Life Lessons Learned from a Dog
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want.
2. Don’t go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by pissing on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most...
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“To his dog, every man is King; hence the constant popularity of dogs”
– Aldous Huxley
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“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend: and inside a dog it is...”
– Groucho Marx
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“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
– Andrew Rooney
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“I have a great dog. She’s half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination....”
– Jimi Celeste
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How Dogs and Men are the Same
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what’s bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get...
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"How many dogs does it take to put in a light...
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.
Dachshund: I can’t reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border collie’s ear and he’ll do it....
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“When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and...”
– Erma Bombeck
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“My dog can bark like a Congressman, fetch like an aide, beg like a press...”
– Gerold Solomon
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“Not Carnegie, Vanderbilt and Astor together could have raised money enough to...”
– Ernest Thompson Seton
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“They are better than human beings, because they know but do not tell.”
– Emily Dickenson
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“I like driving around with my two dogs, especially on the freeways. I make them...”
– Monica Piper
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“A dog is like an eternal Peter Pan, a child who never grows old and who...”
– Aaron Katcher
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“Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall Street...”
– Harry S. Truman
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“If a dog’s prayers were answered, bones would rain from the sky.”
– Proverb
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“The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and...”
– Samuel Butler
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“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you...”
– Groucho Marx
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“My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious...”
– Craig Shoemaker
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“No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes...”
– ~ Louis Sabin
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“A pekingese is not a pet dog; he is an undersized lion.”
– A A Milne
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“I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.”
– ~ Will Rogers
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“When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog that is...”
– ~ Charles Anderson Dana
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“No man can be condemned for owning a dog. As long as he has a dog, he has a...”
– Will Rogers
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“My dog is usually pleased with what I do, because she is not infected with the...”
– ~ Lonzo Idolswine
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“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
– ~ Franklin P Jones
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“You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before...”
– ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
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“You may have a dog that won’t sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast,...”
– ~ Rick Horowitz
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“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t...”
– ~ Rita Rudner
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“When a dog wags her tail and barks at the same time, how do you know which end...”
– ~ Anonymous
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“If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.”
– ~ Andy Rooney
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“To err is human, to forgive, canine.”
– ~Unknown
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“Bulldogs are adorable, with faces like toads that have been sat on.”
– ~ Colette
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“They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about...”
– ~ Jerome k. Jerome
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“Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still...”
– ~ Snoopy
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“Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.”
– ~ Unknown
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“Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer.”
– ~ Leo Rosten
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“You gonna bark all day little doggy, or are you gonna bite?”
– ~ Mr. Blonde - Reservoir Dogs
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“Every dog must have his day.”
– Jonathan swift
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“Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you...”
– Martha Scott
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“I named my dog ‘Stay’… so I can say ‘Come here, Stay....”
– ~ Steven Wright 